Review: Jab We Met

Posted by: Sunayana on: November 15, 2007

• In: funny | love etc. | movies
• 12 Comments

Yes, I know what you are thinking. Why on earth did I even attempt to watch this? To write a bad review, of course.

There’s a difference in this review, I’m writing it as I watch 😀 . I do things differently, you see 😛 .

First 5 minutes: Shahid Kapoor has a blank expression. 5:00 – Shahid frowns. 6:00 – Blank expression back. 6:00-10:00 – Kareena is being annoying. 11:00 – Shahid tells her she’s being annoying. 12:00 – She is being annoying again and talking about her obsession with marriage. 14:00 Shahid is acting strange, misses train after stepping off it, Kareena misses it too.

17:00 – Lost track a little, both are in a car, Shahid is still acting strange. And now he’s driving the car and the driver is shouting. 18:00 – Oh, now I get it. They drove to the next station so that they could catch the train. Stupid me. 19:00 – Kareena is being annoying again. And she misses her train again. Serves her right. 20:00 – She’s crying. I see a bunch of thugs and a potential rape-attempt-hero-saves-her scene. 21:00 – The Station-master is giving her dumb advice. 22:00 – She asks him to shut up. 24:00 – Thugs hitting on her. Time for Shahid to show up. 25:00 – She goes out of the station to land up in a red light area and a guy on a bike is asking her to come with her. 26:00 – Shahid shows up to ‘save’ her from the bike guy. They finally introduce themselves to each other. 27:00 – They’re walking along deserted streets and she’s being annoying again.

28:00 – They come to a hotel. 29:00 – She’s acting stupid. Oh wait, she doesn’t need to act. The hotel guy thinks she’s a hooker and asks Shahid where he found her. Surprisingly he isn’t getting offended and beating the guy up. 31:00 – Shahid tells her that he wont rape her. 32:00 – They’re talking about their respective love interests. 33:00 – Shahid’s girl has dumped him (I don’t blame her), Kareena asks him to burn her photo and flush it down the toilet. 34:00 – Kareena says that he’s good looking and that she would have fallen for him if she wasn’t getting married to her loooove.

35:00 – Police raid, hotel full of prostitutes etc., everyone has to run. 36:00 – They get on to a bus. Wow, the lack of chemistry and sexual tension is amazing! 38:00 – She’s trying to set him up with her sister. She’s being annoying again. He’s hitting on her finally. 39:00 – Oh no, a song 😦 . Must fast forward. It’s suddenly morning and the train is full. Argh can’t stand the song, fast forwarding. They’re shopping. 43:00 – Song finally over, thank god. She tells him he sings well. Bad taste. Oh, turns out that he was a singer. 44:00 – She’s crazy and he tells her that and both of them jump in a lake. Argh, they aren’t commiting suicide as I had hoped 😦 . 45:00 – He tells her he is an industrialist’s son. He’s famous and his mother ran away with someone else. Oh, thats why he’s so strange. She tells him not to talk disrespectfully about his mother because she was in loooooove when she ran away. Nothing is wrong and right when it comes to loooooove, apparently.

47:00 – She tells him to come with her to meet her family. 49:00 – Her grandfather or someone is grilling her about Shahid and her clothes. She tells him he came to make sure she gets home safely. 50:00 – Grandpa asks him to stay for a week. 52:00 – Shahid meets Kareena’s sister. 53:00 – They’re flirting in Punjabi. 54:00 – She’s being annoying. Someone’s coming to get married to her. 55:00 – She’s flirting with him. 57:00 – Oh no, another song 😦 . Oh god, very bad song.

1:00:00 – She tries to make out with Shahid to prevent getting married to the guy who’s come. 1:04:00 – She jumps into bed with him. No no, not what you think, she’s just saying goodbye to him in the middle of the night because she’s running away with her boyfriend. Amazing, the lack of chemistry. 1:08:00 – They’re running away together now. Family finds out and are looking for them. 1:10:00 – Women in her family are crying. He’s giving her advice on being serious. She’s talking crap. He’s falling for her. 1:12:00 – She asks him if she’s wrong in running away from home. He says that there is no wrong and right when you’re in looooove. 1:13:00 – Argh another song 😦 . They’re suddenly surrounded by snow covered mountains. They’re dancing with Tibetans or Nepalis(I think) to another very bad song.

1:17:00 – She’s about to meet Anshuman, her loooove. Shahid doesn’t want to meet him and says goodbye. He’s in looooove with her. 1:19:00 – He goes back to his company and apologizes for running away. He’s very cheerful suddenly. 1:20:00 – He’s giving a really crappy talk to his company people. Everyone claps and gives him a standing ovation.

1:23:00 – He seems to have forgiven his mother. 1:24:00 – He’s taking out a guitar. Oh no, that means another song 😦 . He’s imagining Kareena in blue light. Blank expression back. They’re dancing. Zero chemistry. 1:25:00 – He’s imagining them dancing in front of the office people. He’s successful at his job and everyone is clapping. 1:26:00 – He’s imagining her at his house and at the dining table. And he’s singing and playing the guitar in front of a bunch of people. 1:27:00 – He’s imagining her getting drenched in the rain. They’re dancing in the rain. 1:28:00 – Everyone’s clapping, he’s at a product launch, he’s launching ‘India’s first calling card, Geet (that’s Kareena’s name)’.

1:29:00 – Her family members come to beat him up. 1:30:00 – They’re asking him to tell them where she is. She’s been missing for nine months. He lies and tells them that she’s with him. He tells them that he’ll bring her home in ten days. She isn’t in town right now. 1:32:00 – He goes to Manali in search of her. Oh, thats where they went. He meets Anshuman. Anshuman says he doesn’t know who Kareena is.

1:34:00 – Anshuman rightly says that Kareena lives in a dream world and acts childishly and questions Shahid’s intentions. Shahid calls him cheap etc. because after all, Shahid only has pure, brotherly feelings towards her. 1:36:00 – Oh no, looks like a sad song is coming up 😦 . They show the scene between Kareena and Anshuman when she goes to him. He leaves her.1:38:00 – She is crying. 1:38:00 – She is wandering around and going on bus rides. She is teaching in a school. 1:40:00 – Shahid sees her. She is sad. He is stalking her.

1:41:00 – They meet. He tells her she has hurt him because she didn’t tell him or call him. She refuses to come back with him. 1:43:00 – He is bullying her and she is crying. She is telling him that he has done her too many favors. He is telling her that he is alive and successful only because of her. Still no chemistry, though. 1:44:00 – She agrees to go with him. It’s always so easy for men, just a few sweet words and women fall for it. Sorry, back to the movie.

1:45:00 – They’re sharing a room again, even though there are two rooms available. He tells her everyone thought she was a call girl when they were in the hotel last time. 1:46:00 – She finally realizes that she was (is) extremely stupid. She is crying. 1:47:00 – He tells her to forget Anshuman. Yeah, it ain’t so easy to forget people, Shahid. He tells her to burn photos, call him and give him gaalis etc. 1:49:00 – She gives Anshuman gaalis. She feels great. Yes, this works, I’ve tried it too. 1:50:00 – They’re hugging again, and this time it’s not so innocent. Yaay. Passionate hug, if there’s something like that. Not.

1:51:00 – Shahid acts all casual about it, it didn’t mean anything etc. Typical. They’re catching a train. 1:53:00 – He tells her not to be worried that he likes her. Ooh, Anshuman is back and he wants to talk to her. Now, he wants to marry her. He loooooves her and wants her back. 1:54:00 – He tells her that he’ll make everything alright. 1:55:00 – Shahid tells her that his parents didn’t love each other. They loved other people. He is telling her to ‘listen to her heart’. 1:56:00 – Shahid is saying that people in love should be together. She asks him what will happen to him. 1:57:00 – He tells her that she can have her first extra marital affair with him. He leaves her with Anshuman and goes away.

1:58:00 – Shahid tells her family that she’s coming back. Big celebration. 2:00:00 – Oh no!! Everyone thinks Shahid and Kareena are together! 2:01:00 – Poor Anshuman is looking confused in the background. As usual the family gives them no time to explain. 2:03:00 – Photos are being taken of Shahid and Kareena. By Anshuman. 2:04:00 – Kareena is talking to her mother, and she still hasn’t explained. See, she still hasn’t lost that stupidity of hers. 2:06:00 – They’re planning Shahid and Kareena’s marriage. Anshuman is rightly very angry. 2:08:00 – Kareena gets a chance to tell the truth but chickens out.

2:09:00 – The marriage announcement is made, without the need to ask Kareena, of course. She is shocked. 2:13:00 – Kareena and Anshuman meet. Shahid leaves (Yeah right). 2:15:00 – While talking to Anshuman, Kareena realizes that she looooves Shahid after all! 2:16:00 – Kareena runs after Shahid with strange Irish-sounding music playing in the background. 2:17:00 – She hugs Shahid. Anshuman sees them. 2:17:00 – She kisses him! Didn’t expect that 😛 . 2:18:00 – They’re still hugging. 2:19:00 – Shahid’s family turns up and its a big happy wedding with another bad song.

Ok, now time for questions. What happened to Anshuman, did he leave just like that? I would have thought that he would tell the family the real story, it would have added a melodramatic scene to the movie. Or maybe the director was so sick of the movie that he/she wanted to end it as soon as possible.  Oh, btw, still no chemistry.